Will you remind me?

Those times when I look outside, and the weather is a bit crap, and I say things like: I dunno, I’ll probably wait until this afternoon. If it gets better, I’ll go out then.

Will you remind me?

Those times when I say: there’s probably not enough time to get a ride in this morning, we’ve got to go out anyway. I’ll cycle tomorrow. What’s the point in going out for an hour? I’m out of fitness anyway.

Will you remind me then too?

You know when I say: I’m feeling a bit tired, maybe later? Or I’m feeling a bit down, so I’m not up to getting on the bike. Those times when I say there probably won’t be many out today, so I won’t bother.

Looks like rain is on its way anyway.

Will you remind me?

Those times when I say it’s just a bit of a faff to get the bike out; that there’s a puncture I’ve got to fix. The bike really needs a service anyway. I can’t be bothered to pull on all the cycling clobber.

Oh, and I’ve lost my gloves. I can’t go out without my gloves.

Will you remind me?

You know when I say I’ve got too much work? That there’s some urgent thing I really must do? When I say I’d like to go out on the bike, but really, I do think, I kind of ought to get on with that, er, that thing.

Please, please remind me.

You see, I’m scared.

It’s been nearly a week, and I’ve not had a seizure. I’m on slightly different drugs, and I’ve not had a seizure. I’ve been on the turbo trainer. I’ve put in some heavy duty pedal turning. I’ve been sweating.

Sweating on the bike for the first time in ages. And I’ve not had a seizure.

There’s a indication I can get out cycling regularly again, get working hard on the bike again. That maybe things may be normal for a while.

And I’m scared.

I’m scared I’ll get too comfortable, too complacent. I’ll forget what it was like when I couldn’t jump in the saddle when I wanted. Forget that, from now on, my cycling is privilege for me. It’s not something I can take for granted.

When you catch me making excuses. When I’m being lazy. When I find good reasons that aren’t good reasons at all. When you hear me saying those things that we cyclists sometimes say when really we can’t quite be bothered.

Will you remind me?

Remind me about when I didn’t have a choice. Remind me that sometime soon, I won’t have a choice again.

And then kick me out the door, watch me hobbling up the drive in my silly cycling shoes, and wait at the door until I’m sat on my bike and peddling off up the road.

2 Comments

  1. So glad to hear that you have had a seizure free week. Please allow yourself to enjoy the good times. We all need to remember to do just that x

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